I received this detailed and very emotional question below in response to a recent video on my YouTube Channel. I’m sharing this with you as a helpful guide, just in case you face a similar crisis with a friend or loved one down the road too.
Prilivna Vulna: Hello Paul: I desperately need your help to save a person’s life. I will try to be brief. I hope it is understandable.
My cousin is 21-years-old from Bulgaria. He has been raised like a mommy boy, without a father figure. His mother does everything for him (she is not that balanced person as well, had a divorce 13 years ago, working an 9-17 job, and a night alcoholic). Every night, they have arguments about how lazy he is and etc. He has been living his whole life by not having goals, not eating healthy as possible, lost a lot of his time doing stupid stuff.
He did sports (kickboxing, fitness), but as you may say he is a healthy-looking sick person. He has never had sex or a relationship. For a big part of his teenage life, he didn’t sleep at night as he played video games and etc. Two years ago, he started taking antidepressants. He has been diagnosed with OCD and depression. A few months ago, he tried to stop them, but all the doctors and psychologist advise him not to stop them or give him other pills.
Then, something happened with his heart. There was pain in the chest area (probably accumulated with time), and he could not breathe. After they were in the hospital, they took a biopsy and x-rays and found out that he has an infection of the heart. Now, he is very, VERY scared.
The doctors advise him that he will be all right. He just needs a lot of rest, but he does not believe them. He has become a fanatic and thinks he can die at any moment. He describes it as if something is eating him from the inside out (I think it might be a parasite or fungal infection). Now, he is just crying and praying to God (he has never been religious before) and complaining all day to everyone.
I am not at home at the moment (following my dream as a musician in a different country) and he is writing me every day saying how he is feeling. I suspect that he has envy for my life, and other people’s lives around him as they are doing better than him. So I try to tell him, to stop worrying so much, start eating better, try to stop foods that may cause problems like you teach in your books and DVDs. I advise him to have a dream, or to fight this nightmare by doing the right things, but he just would not listen or try…
What would you do in this situation? I would be very thankful if you can advise me something!!! And thank you for everything you teach the world!!
Hello! Your advice is quite good. The bigger question: Is he ready to become an adult and take responsibility for himself?
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. If you try to push the horse to water or make it drink, it is likely to kick the hell out of you, or exhaust you at minimum.
Be conscious of the fact that people need developmental pressure and challenges, or they never “step into their own power and grow.” It is wise to evaluate how much of your own urgency to “fix” his problems is an expression of your own fear of feeling his pain and challenges.
When we are unconscious of the fact that our efforts to “save the other” are actually motivated by our fear of feeling their pain (empathy), we are likely to try to move mountains “for them.” Sadly, if they are not ready to heal, they won’t participate.
Someone acting out the Eternal Child archetype is forever wanting, and often creating situations in which a rescue is perceived by those they attach to as parent figures to be needed. This is how they’ve learned to feel loved, wanted, and, oddly, “become special.”
The first step I’d suggest, with everything I’ve shared above considered, is to have him go through my multimedia ebook, The Last 4 Doctors You’ll Ever Need. This book offers a clear structure for how to establish a dream, and 4 Doctor Core Values so that an individual knows when saying “Yes” or “No” is dream-affirmative.
This can be coupled with a completion of the health appraisal questionnaires in my book, How to Eat, Move & Be Healthy, which will help him identify where his greatest imbalances are. Then, he can use the directions in the book regarding what steps to take first to balance himself.
Stimulate your nervous system naturally
Taking cold showers for as long as he can handle morning, midday and night will be helpful in stimulating his nervous and hormonal system naturally, and leave him much more clear-headed and with more energy.
This is also a great way to see how much the mind blocks a person’s ability to complete any task. Most people are too wimpy to even take a cold shower.
Learning to use one’s mind to overcome the cold, and seeing it as healing and helpful and letting the body have the experience (and breathe diagrammatically, slowly and deeply, which warms the body), is a simple first step toward strengthening the mind and healing the body.
Small, simple methods like this are not only helpful to the body, but are mental practices for overcoming the resistance to learning new habits.
Seeing a skilled acupuncturist to balance the flow of chi in the body can also provide positive healing influences in as little as six treatments. Based on their evaluation, they may also be able to suggest herbs to facilitate better body-mind balance.
What you can do, from wherever you are, is go into inner-silence, and reach out to his soul from your heart, and share your love, inspiration and visualizations of him as a whole person with self-integrity and in harmony with the rhythms of life.
By creating the state within yourself that you envision for him, and consciously directing your inner experience to him as a gift of Unconditional Love (meaning you are detached from the outcome he chooses, but give that love with no strings attached), you can infuse his own soul with exactly the energy and emotion you have created within yourself as a gift to him.
This is a shamanic practice that I use regularly and I have found it very powerful and healing, even for myself. When you create a higher form of love within yourself first, the magic of that love is alive in you, and does its magic there first since you are the epicenter of its creation.
If your cousin is receptive to the concepts in my books, I’d also recommend that he consider taking these courses in my PPS Success Program Series:
PPS Success Program Lesson 1: Determining Your Legacy: This online course shows you how to plot your life experiences so that you can actually see them, recognize their polarities and find meaning in even the most painful situations.
PPS Success Program Lesson 2: Managing Your Self and PPS Success Program Lesson 3: Goal Setting: These should be completed in sequence to develop the essential self-management skills necessary to be a contributing adult in the world.
Another helpful approach is for him to hire a CHEK Holistic Lifestyle Coach (Level 2 or 3) who can serve as a coach and mentor. Much of my own success at mastering myself came by way of learning from mentors I respected and trusted.
That’s about the best advice I can offer on a case that really needs professional help if a long-term resolution is the ultimate aim.
That said, applying the approach I’ve offered here could very well be enough to trigger adequate conscious growth to inspire him to become what he came to earth to share.
Love and chi,
For over thirty-two years, Paul's unique, holistic approach to treatment and education has changed the lives of countless people worldwide, many of his clients, his students and their clients. By treating the body-mind as a whole system and finding the root cause of a problem, Paul has been successful where traditional approaches have consistently failed.
Paul is the founder of the C.H.E.K (Corrective Holistic Exercise Kinesiology) Institute, based in California, USA and the Chek 4-Quadrant Coaching Mastery and P~P~S Success Mastery Coaching Programs.
Latest posts by Paul Chek (see all)
- Should Athletes Stretch Before Training or Competing? - March 20, 2018
- Managing Sleep Challenges - March 13, 2018
- Awareness: Learning to Feel Our Emotions - February 26, 2018